The pregnancy continues on it's life-altering course. Physically I'm doing just fine -- according to my OB I've gained about 9-10 lbs so far, which is well within an acceptable range for my gestation (currently 18 weeks). Not that you'd guess this to look at me; my belly is huge and I feel like a moose. I know, I know -- "shut up and be pregnant". I am, and all things considered it's not really bothering me all that much, even though I am as big as I've ever been in my life (soon to get even bigger, muah-ah-ahhhh!). I'm not looking forward to having to lose the weight, but what the hell...every pregnant woman in the world goes through this.
Matt and I have been having a rough time of it lately...things are OK now, but the past couple of weeks have been tense (to put it mildly). I attribute this to a combination of factors: I'm pregnant, hormonal and being weaned off anti-depressants; Matt's having major father-to-be anxiety and a stressful time at his job, and we're in a fairly dismal financial situation. Oh, and we're both trying to minimalize the booze intake while negotiating the huge amount of life tweaking / streamlining necessitated by the pending arrival of a screaming newborn. Furthermore, we have a history of going Klingon when trying to solve problems together...definitely candidates for Parents of the Century, eh folks? *rolling eyes*
Anyway, after I realized that acting like a hystrionic bitch wasn't helping anything, I decided to try and ease back on the chicken-little routine while somehow remaining focused on what needs to be done before the baby arrives. I can't say that I'm feeling very sure of myself right now...I'm as daunted by parenthood as Matt, and as I've mentioned our lives are hardly in that "Okay! NOW we're ready to have kids!" strata that the media would have me believe actually exists.
But instead of beating myself up for my perceptions of inferiority and buying into all of the gloomy predictions given to me by my own family ("Your life is a MESS!"), I'm making an effort to remain positive and proactive. I'm trying to find strength to convince my husband that everything will ultimately be alright, and maybe even BETTER than alright...I guess by doing that I'm trying to convince myself as well. Hopefully he and I can get in a situation where we're pulling together...I think it's possible, and am trying like hell to not let these hopes become buried under my fears.
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